Monday, April 21, 2014

Hollow Your Bones

Last April I developed an unhealthy obsession with death due to a number of unforeseen circumstances. I spent days reading about Sylvia Plath and watching the Virgin Suicides and trying to calculate how long it takes for a hose connected to an exhaust pipe to kill a 54 kg human. It was all very hypothetical and very morbid. Despite the rite of spring, I was standing knee deep in imaginary skeletons and sleeping in the morgue every night, waiting for my name to appear on the obituary. The odds were 648 to 1, not necessarily in my favor, depending on how you look at it. I spent a lot of time doing math in the quiet evenings, calculating numbers that I still don’t even understand. Average number of funeral attendants in Alaska. The regression of coffin sizes in the last 50 years. Likelihood of breaking your heart with and without morning coffee. I rederive Maxwell’s equations on the window and remind myself to keep breathing. 

Spring stretches into summer. I’m on the road again and with each mile, something dark and tangled gradually unsticks inside me. I no longer cry every time I hear Brahms on the radio and I stopped sleeping again. I emerged, at the end of July not happy, but not so convinced the other side might be greener. I've created a prediction model based on extrapolations from past data to determine that, at the very least, there is one more day to enjoy in the future, and I suppose that will have to be enough.


20 comments:

  1. I love your outfit :) what's the building you're standing in front of? It's so imposing haha.

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    1. Thanks Jane! I'm standing in front of the museum of natural history in NYC - I went to visit again over spring break :D

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    2. Oh I love that building! When I visited, I went on a gloomy day and it looked so spooky haha.

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  2. oh you shouldn't stick too much to sylvia plath. i had to read loads of her works in university but there's a point when you yourself get a longing for death, that's unhealthy. but i again love your photographs. the pictures with the birds are magical yet a bit morbid, but i like the atmosphere in your photographies.

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    1. Indeed. Plath is an amazing writer, but so depressing!! Glad you like the photos.

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  3. Liz, you are a masterful storyteller and have the ability to create such a tangible mood with your photography... xx

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    1. Thanks so much Christine! I feel like my photos have been dark since winter started...I'm hoping to lighten up the mood with my new photoshoot this weekend!

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  4. what a beautiful place what a beautiful look <3 i'm in love <33

    http://coeursdefoxes.blogspot.com/

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    1. If you ever get a chance, visit the museum of natural history in NYC. It is one of my favorite places =)

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  5. What beautiful photos! Did you shoot them in 35mm film?

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    1. Thanks! Nope, just a regular digital camera on a crazy high ISO because it was so dark in there! I do love the grainy look of film though!

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  6. These photos remind me of a museum I went to in Oxford. You would probably like it, there were tons of displays squished together with barely any room in between. It was like no museum I had ever been to before. I wish I could tell you what it was called, but I have no idea what it was called. Why have coffin sizes been shrinking over the past fifty years? That seems confusing considering the whole pandemonium of the obesity epidemic.

    Glitterous Clitoris

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    1. That sounds like an amazing museum! Also I meant regression in a mathematical term not a literal term. Regression meaning looking at the trend of coffin sizes hahaha, which I imagine would be increasing.

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  7. Kirsten Dunst lying on a football field in the early morning light must be one of the most beautiful pictures of all time.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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  8. Hey :)
    Your blog is really great-i love it so much. Maybe you're interested in following each other ? I would love it ❤ Pls let me know in a comment on my blog
    kisses, Anna ♥

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  9. I used to take a curation course at the museum when I lived in New York City. It was a little creepy walking out of the dark museum during after hours, surrounded by dead/old things. Lovely, lovely photos. <3

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    1. I would love to have been in the museum after hours!! I'm pretty obsessed with bones and jars of pickled animals, my home is going to be half museum and half liveable!

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  10. How was your spring break overall? I was up in Chicago the same time that you were gone, haha! Someday, we will meet. Anyway, I always love how moody your photos are. I'm always so self-conscious of sharing things that seem "grainy," but this gave me some confidence in trying something new. I've been wanting to experiment more lately. (I'm in one of those "I think my blog and/or myself is changing" stages.) Also, would you be surprised if I told you that I was smiling a little when I read your words?

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    1. I had a great spring break...it was over way too fast!! I hope you had a good time in Chicago, and yes, someday we will finally sit down for coffee!! I'm around in June if you are free =). I love grainy photos so much because I always forget to turn down the ISO on my camera and generally it works alright. And yes experimentation is the best and change is always good. Unchanging things are boring.

      I'm glad that you were smiling when you read the words! I wrote it awhile back when it was in the misery of winter and it isn't meant to be satirical, but it is a bit purposefully melodramatic? I think we all have dark thoughts (it can't be avoided), but I guess what makes me happy about this small piece is that, when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up, even if you have to crawl out of it and that in itself is kinda comforting.

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