Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Take Refuge In What You Know

It has been 14.6 days since I last left the apartment. And in the cold February sunlight, I felt the strings gradually being cut inside me. Small things, like, the murmur of voices outside the door or the telephone ringing in the afternoon, have become too much to bear. So I have closed the doors and windows, and cut the telephone cord, drawing the paper-white sheet above my head in a mockery of a shroud. It's like a disappearing act, as if the less matter I have, the easier it will be to breathe and maybe, maybe I can feel my fingertips again and stop this compulsion to grieve.

You asked me once if I enjoyed being sad. I remember laughing before dumping hot tea onto your lap in retaliation. I should have realized it then, but, you never did understand. Has it ever occurred to you that my melancholy is all I have left of these memories? That I keep your letters pressed against my heart like a talisman and collect postcards for you that will never be sent because I cannot stand the thought of you existing outside this plane of consciousness. I do not care for anything in this world the way I care for you. Deeply, and without regret.


  1. Wow, this is so fierce. Gorgeous.

  2. Love, love, love the way your express.

  3. Hey, just so you know I nominated you for a Liebster Blog Award. If you'd like to take part you can read more about it here. Otherwise, just know that I love your blog! :)

    Technicolour Dreamer

  4. Being sad is not something I enjoy, but it's a part of who I am. I'm not a happy person but that doesn't make me unhappy.


  5. I've always adored your photography and now I see that you are also a writer. There is so much emotion in your words and I can feel them get through to me.. Happiness doesn't come easily to some but it doesn't mean it never will :)

    Chamomile Dealer



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