Friday, November 8, 2013

Blindsided

I remember our last encounter with remarkable clarity. You and me, sitting quietly on the playground in the lingering summer night, watching the moon set over rows of paper houses. We didn’t talk much because there wasn’t anything left to be said. What we have, we’ve always had, and neither time nor space will ever change that. This, I have always known. And yet, frighteningly, I find myself forgetting things about you that I never wished to forget, like, the shape of your silhouette against the window and the precise colors of your eyes in the fading twilight.

That was one hundred and twenty-six days ago. I never dreamed that you might not come back, that you might not want to come back. I do not think I ever believed you were truly gone, not even when it was finally October and I was sitting alone on a bench by the lake, so lost and so numb that even the streetlamps could not guide me home. I was waiting, you know, for you to rescue me as you have always done, so I could finally say the words lingering on the tip of my tongue. I love you. I love you. I love you.


7 comments:

  1. You have to write a book. There is some epic literary shit over these paragraphs! And also brought tears to my eyes, for its brilliant, heartbreakingly beauty, for how I found it relatable... Someone's absence can take a while for us to get used to. And we're forced to get used to it, by the circumstances more than by ourselves.

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind comment Nancy! It is so encouraging. I think I would love to write SOMETHING one day, but there is writing 2 paragraphs and writing a whole book. I am not sure if I could write something that wasn't just mindless rambling. Still one can dream! And yes, absence takes forever to get used to.

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  2. You write so eloquently and these photos are perfect!

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  3. you really are a very good writer you know! i always appreciate when someone can turn their sadness into beauty and you do it really consistently well, and (assuming you're writing about real life) i'm sure it's something that helps you deal with your situation too, so thank you for sharing it.

    little henry lee

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    1. Thanks so much Jessica! You are right in that it is based on real-life and it does help me deal with things, but a lot of it is cobbling different memories and different people together. It's not quite real, but it's not quite NOT real either. A lot of times it's the photographs that bring out a certain emotion and I guess that is what the words are for, to capture all the memories and things the pictures could never say.

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  4. I think that's one of our biggest fears, forgetting. I find it's not the end of something that terrifies me, but that I may not remember it in years to come.

    I think you should totally get a baby chicken or duck. There is nothing more amazing than pets. They're so calming and I've found chickens and ducks are just the funniest creatures to watch.

    All my love,
    Fliss.

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