Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Kill Your Darlings

I spent last Sunday night staring out the window, watching the eastern sky shift pale and purple against the backdrop of glowing streetlights. Lying there in the deafening silence, paralyzed by the chasm between our still bodies, my own cowardice that brought me here in the first place, I wondered when it all started falling apart at the seams. The butterflies turned into maggots – the illusion dispersed in the early winter chill – the wave of suffocating unreality. 

You are asleep (or faking sleep) and I am watching the rise and fall of your uneven breathing. Sometime between the fleeting touches and speaking glances from last night, something had changed and maybe become irreparably broken. Then, it becomes a simple matter of learning how to deconstruct yourself, so that when you put the parts back together, you are practically unrecognizable. Yesterday I tried to drown myself in the lake. Because I can still feel the burn of your fingertips along the ridge of my hipbone running down to the space behind my knees. Because I cut those pieces out and buried the scars, so I could pretend to feel whole again.



13 comments:

  1. gorgeous photos and writing as usual. and i love the title of your post! as soon as i saw it it put a smile on my face! :)

    jessica - littlehenrylee.com

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  2. simply beautiful.
    http://radarmagazine.se/linnwiberg

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    1. Thanks Linn! Glad you liked these

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  3. I love when the moon is a little sliver like it is in your first photo. Happy new year Liz :)

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    1. Me too! I love being able to just lay down on my driveway and watch the sky change colors and the moon emerge. Winter nights are so clear, it makes everything seem better.

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  4. I think I've always been broken, and nothing can ever change that no matter how hard I try. It's just a matter of learning how to live with the pain and the emptiness.

    /Avy

    http://mymotherfuckedmickjagger.blogspot.com

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    1. All we can do is keep moving forward I suppose?

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  5. Those photos are amazing, so magic! Are those yours?
    I'm first time here & I truly love your writing, so charming!

    http://coeursdefoxes.blogspot.com/

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  6. Ooooooh. Love the title! Have you seen the movie at all? I'm interested in it. I love how your stories can be dark and moody at times. They're very mysterious and evocative. I hope you're staying warm up there in Chicago! Happy belated New Year!

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  7. Your photographs are deeply moving, love. Keep up the wonderful photographs (and words!) xx

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  8. I find watching the sky change so calming sometimes!

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  9. Hey I love your blog:) I've nominated you for the Liebster Award!
    Check it out on my blog:)
    xoxo
    http://blizzard-girl.blogspot.com/2015/02/liebster-award.html

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